So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

An ache,
a haunting dream to live as we once were,
where we once were. When perfection graced
our fingertips and tongues- once golden.
All was golden.
Imagination and complexity
relentlessly writhing a way in and a way out.
A hope unsettled, glass cast out to sea,
tossed in the tides and currents of questions and truths.
To move forward. To move back.
And as it settles in me, a knowledge of my ignorance,
I rest on a dream differed, amidst that ethereal liquid
and weep.
But I cannot sleep,
for hope comes in dreams that drag me out to sea.
To sea, I must go.
To know.
that saving faith.
I must feel the pull of the deeps
and cry out.

To College or Not to College?... that is the question.

Recently, I had a good friend share with me that she dropped out of school early last year due to the corrupt moral standards of the college she attended. She was beaten down by the twisted philosophies and theologies of her college professors…at a Christian school. She felt overwhelmed and attacked by the ideas that so strongly contradicted her beliefs in God, and felt that she could not stand against the pressure of the culture. When she told me this I took it very hard…

Has God turned his back on our culture, more specifically on our education? Is it possible to attend college and still hold to foundations of my belief in God?

I certainly felt this way. Is it possible to hold on to our foundations if they are being stripped from beneath our feet? How could God have a hand in culture and education when they are so corrupted? At the time, I was angry with our society, with the apathetic nature of Christians and with the dogmatic nature of those opposing the truth of our creation and existence.

Today I emailed this very friend to update her on my travels this semester. As I wrote to her, I sat back in astonishment as I realized that God HAS had his hands in culture. And he is always educating me.

Rachel*, 

It is so good to hear from you! I know we have talked often about your experience at college and the moral decline in colleges across the board. Also, we’ve discussed the seeming inability of Christians to defend the God in which they trust. You mentioned that the Holy Spirit has been prodding you to stay close to him in contentment of where he has you. I cannot second that feeling loud enough. God is so thoughtful and gracious when he places us where he does. I was beginning to feel hopeless in concerns with the youth culture and corrupted education and its institutions, (and with church culture in general) but God thought it fit to place me here in mission with Axis. 

We have been traveling around the country talking to high-school students about the truths of scripture and the reliability of God's wholeness. God is slowly and carefully reassuring me of his desire to see redemption in all areas of life: In my family, in my brother, in the very culture that I have so willingly given up on. This semester has given me a renewed desire to love those who don't understand our God. (I don't understand him enough!) I would be a hypocrite to shut myself off from these young souls, in the name of my loss of hope. The mission of Axis is to connect young hearts to the minds that God has given them, to help them think well, discern well, and avoid the captivity of Satan. We are called to take all thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. (This is especially true as these students go to college! As you know...) 

Yes, Satan is fully engaged in the corruption of our culture, education, and its institutions, but how much more so is Christ involved in the redemption! And how he desires us to be a part of that mission. The road is dark and difficult, but God is redeeming our world. I am so blown away by God’s faithfulness in our lives and his unrelenting desire for us to understand his character. He is a God of faithfulness, holiness, and of wholeness. 

God is good and he is making things whole.  I am so thankful that he saw fit to allow me to be a part of Axis. My hope in God’s redemption is being renewed daily as we dive head first into the education and development of his people.

I hope he continues to bless us with understanding and a desire to value life and wholeness as he does. 

What am I doing in Colorado?

I realize that I left most of my friends and family without fully explaining what I am doing in Colorado.

This is for you...

I am interning with Axis, a non-profit organization with the mission to move high-schoolers (and middle-schoolers) from apathy to compassionate action. 

Hmmm... what do I mean by that?

As a high-schooler I dreamed of success... being the best basket-baller the world had ever seen, being the most active and avid church goer in all of Walker County, to smile the brightest... and run the fastest.

After graduation I quickly realized that the world was much bigger than Walker County... my teeth were, in fact, not the brightest. I realized God is not always found in a church building, and even though I could run fast...I had no idea where I was going.  I was frustrated and I wanted answers.

This is why Axis exists... to ask students, "Who are you and where are you going?"

"What is real?" "What is true?"  ...We are here to question what it means to be successful, to serve, and to have compassion for the world around us.



So what IS Axis?

•   Axis is a non-profit organization.
•   Their mission statement is to move teenage minds and hearts from apathy to compassionate action.  
•   Axis consists of an administrative team and two travelling teams.
•  These two teams travel across the U.S. speaking to middle-school and high-school students through the use of current media (i.e. movies, music, and youtube via powerpoint)

1.   Media is a prominent voice in our culture. 
2. Media is rapidly reshaping our current language and culture. 
3. If you were to affectively reach a tribe of people in the remote jungle you would need to understand and learn to the best of your abilities their culture and the language they speak... 
4. Take a look at the young people around you and you will quickly realize that the language of today is not letter writing, long conversations, or books...but texting, facebooking, music and movies.    
5. In the same way, Axis is dedicated to understanding the current language of our culture in an attempt to reach the minds and hearts that are being drowned out by the white-noise of media and fill the with the compassion of redemption. 

So WHAT does Axis do?

·    

• We watch movie clips. 
• We listen to songs (actually reading the lyrics). 
• Then we discuss the ideas behind the art.
• We encourage students to question these ideas, to discern what is truly being stated.
• The entire presentation is via KeyNote (Mac PowerPoint) with 4 speakers walking the students through each thought provoking slide. 
• The 4 speakers are constantly "tag teaming," never speaking for longer than 3-6 minutes at a time.  

1. Every artist, article, and ad has a point of view, an opinion, an angle. 
2. Our goal is to look these things square in the eye, find the the angle, opinion, and point of view and then weigh these against the truths of reality and scripture.
3. Men were given minds by their creator. We must use them and we must use them well.   

If men cease to discern and think for themselves, then with this ceases the art of thoughtful expression, wisdom, and the desire to know truth.


Axis is an amazing avenue of thoughtful communication and a unique tool in the process of exposing truth in an attempt to reach young hearts and minds.

11:09 (p.m.?)

It is Monday in the beautiful state of Kansas. (It is probably Monday in your state too, but wasn't that a great opener?)

I really should be asleep and not updating you all on my life with Axis thus far, but here I am. I will make it quick.

Last Week:
1. Drove 12 hours to Iowa. (Dan drove. I slept.)
2. Stayed with an amazing family. (The Dunkers)
3. Spoke in front of 300+ students.
4. SCARED.
5. Nervous.
6. Nauseous.
7. Taken to the Iowa State Fair by the Dunkers.
8. Saw the creepy/ awesomely skilled doll house displays.
9. Saw a sadistically oversized pig... and a cow carved entirely out of butter. (oh sweet Iowa)

10. PARTED WITH THE DUNKERS and the beautiful windmills of Iowa (they're incredible)


This Week:
1. Arrived in Kansas. (Saturday)
2. Consumed gluten-free pizza at Spin's Neapolitan Pizza. ( Mellow Mushroom = nothin' on nobody)
2. Currently staying with amazing family. (The Willsons)
3. Holly Willson has four sons. They build stuff, like art and small wooden benches.
4. Feel very at home and taken care of.
5. Monday (Today) Spoke to 125+ students.
6. Not as scared.
7. Craziest schedule EVER. (Loved it)
8. Two 1 and 1/2 hr sessions, followed by worldview class, followed by another session...
9. Follow by a teacher's meeting, followed by a parents conference.

10. GOOD THINGS ARE HARD. HARD THINGS ARE GOOD. I LIKE BEING ALIVE.


That was rather longwinded. Boring lists of facts are typically pretty boring.

***In case you haven't had enough...I've arrange some more letters of the alphabet for your eyes to hurdle over.***

On A Serious Note:

1. I have found live with Axis to be extremely challenging.
2. Teaching is difficult. (Developing and explaining thought is not for the faint of heart)
3. It is hard to get over the fear that people really don't care what you have to say.
4. You cannot teach something and then NOT live it out.
5. I just lied. You can. It just goes against the structure of the human soul.
6. The burden of truth is heavy.
7. Living out truth with discernment and loving intentionality is heavier.
8. Always questioning the reason for your beliefs = exhausting.
9. Trying to sleep enough = yeah... right.

10. PURSUING TRUTH WITH A BROKEN HEART AND MIND = WORTH IT.



"Truth is so obscure in these times and falsehood so established that unless one loves the truth, he cannot know it." -Blaise Pascal




 "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." 


Until later in life,


Caitlin

The Names of New Faces and Other Things

Today ended the two weeks of team training for the fearless travelers of AXIS.

I have learned in the past two weeks that:
1.  Meeting new people is hard.
2. Meeting new people that you will be living with for the next three months is harder.
3. Not getting to choose those individuals whom you have committed to do life with for the next three months... terrifying.

*New Place = OH YES!
 New Place + Alone = OH NO...
 New Place - Alone + New Responsibilities + Unapproachable Aliens = Too much.*

The initial shock of moving across the country began to ware off and I slowly began to realize that these aliens actually looked a little like people... nice people....with human faces...and normal names.

*Names...names...what were their names? Bonnie, Ben, Bennet, Bonnet....Ben! It has to be Ben....who would name their kid Bonnet anyway... One down with 85% certainty...Only seventeen more to go...*

I constantly struggle to remember peoples names. I can't remember my siblings' names most of the time...much less the rest of the world, so it came as a shock when our team leader started off our first meeting with this charge, " Team, if nothing else, we have to be able to memorize our students' names."

*Remember names? I thought we were going to be talking about worldviews and wrestling through deep truths with the helpful aid of PowerPoint. *

He continues, "Team, we will be talking to hundreds of students at a time. No one will give a second thought to the truth we are bringing if we can't remember their names. Don't worry, it isn't hard."

*Isn't hard?! Speak for yourself, Dennis....Denny...Diner...Dinner...Dave...Dan... Oh great...*

I raise my hand, "Uh...Dennis?" "It's Dan." "Sorry. (Embarrassment) Dan, I have a pretty hard time with names....am I going to get fired?" "Hmm...Well, probably not. But we are going to need you to try harder."

*I'm going to get fired.*

So went our first meeting. So went my struggle for the next two weeks.

I am pleased to announce that I have not been fired. On the contrary, I have been fired up.

The Axis Teams are amazing: two teams of four people traveling around the U.S. challenging young minds to question the world around them....

Where did humanity originate? What is reality? How do you know right from wrong? Where do we find our identity? What is our purpose for being here? What happens after we die?

These are questions we have all wrestled with at some point in our lives and the world is determined to give us answers. We must expose what is false and let that which is left standing speak for itself.

I am so excited to be a part of this journey: to share with young hearts and minds the reason for the hope that is within me.







I hope I will be able to clearly express the mission and journey of AXIS as we blaze through this semester. Thank you for your interest and prayer.